Author Topic: 15 things to tell your daughters ladies  (Read 458 times)

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Offline Weaver

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« on: 22, June, 2007, 07:17:40 PM »
15 THINGS TO PASS ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in nappies
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they can put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well as they never grow up anyway.
6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men – most are the do-it-yourself types.
9. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks which sort of books you are interested in – you say cheque books.
14. Remember a sense of humour doesn’t mean that you tell the jokes, it means you laugh at his.
15. Sadly all men are equal.
 

Offline scorps

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« Reply #1 on: 22, June, 2007, 07:31:20 PM »
The Reasons Why Men Should Be Proud Of Themselves

You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can  still be friends

Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is  coming.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can quietly watch a game with your m8 for hours without  thinking: "He must be mad at me."

Same work...more pay.

Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

Wedding dress --£2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 Quid.

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?"

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th in 45 minutes




there'dbe more environment left to care for if the f*cking vegetarians would stop eating it

Offline Weaver

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« Reply #2 on: 22, June, 2007, 09:36:51 PM »
The Reasons Why Men Should Be Proud Of Themselves

You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

Err - don't get that one - usually find it's the guy wants to make it (the bed that is)

You can kill your own food.

Ah well so could we all but women are more likely to do so being less sqeamish


You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Nah thoughtfulness and men - contradiction in terms - just does not happen!


Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Who the hell wants to get married anyway?


If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can  still be friends

Only because men are too thick to notice the lack of the invite!


Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.

Yeh right - since when did Calvin Klein do a three pack for £10!


If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Trust me they notice - oh yes they notice!  


Everything on your face stays its original colour.

Apart of course from the bulbous red nose result of over indulgence in alcohol.


You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Now you are dreaming - the one thing a man definitely cannot do is not comment on someone else's driving/riding!


Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Err that would be three pairs of bike boots plus the rest of the shoes/trainers/slippers etc etc then?


You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is  coming.

Err why would you - especially since the meter is outside?


Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Yeh well you might be right at this one - but if you are female you take a male with you - however dumb he is it works!


You can quietly watch a game with your m8 for hours without  thinking: "He must be mad at me."

No man has EVER quietly watched any game for more than 10 seconds!


Same work...more pay.

Right yes - will grant you this one - undeserved but yes.


Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

No men just think they do - trust  us they don't.


Wedding dress --£2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 Quid.

Definitely not - no women in their right mind spends that much on a wedding dress- they just tell you they do, screw the money out of you towards it and go away with their mates for a dirty weekend on the profits.


You don't mooch off other's desserts.

Just their wives, girlfriends, mistresses, mothers, etc etc


You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

That's what the women do - the guys usually buys the gifts!


If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends.

Only because no one else will talk to you.


Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?"

Women always notice so no need to ask.


You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.

Are there more than five colours?


You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Of course not - if a woman has any sense she gets some idiot man to do it!


You almost never have strap problems in public.

Well except for you jock strap of course.


You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Only because some poor woman has ironed them for you.


The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Oh yes and don't you look silly.


You don't have to shave below your neck.

But it really would help if you did.


At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

Trust us - they are neither expected nor appreciated.


Your belly usually hides your big hips.  

It hides everything else too - not that it takes much! '<img'>


One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

Maybe 50 years ago - but guys these days - good grief - I wish!


You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

I thought you used teeth for this?


You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

We have freedom of choice - we choose not to!


Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th in 45 minutes

Rubbish - what man especially one with a  with a gf/wife even remembers if he has that many relatives, let alone buys their presents!   ':p'  '<img'>
 

Offline scorps

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« Reply #3 on: 22, June, 2007, 09:48:19 PM »
ha weaver reading some of your answers you sure you aint a bloke ':rock:'




there'dbe more environment left to care for if the f*cking vegetarians would stop eating it

Offline Weaver

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« Reply #4 on: 22, June, 2007, 09:49:21 PM »
Quote (scorps @ June 22 2007,21:48)
ha weaver reading some of your answers you sure you aint a bloke ':rock:'

I should hope not - RO would be most upset!   '<img'>
 

Offline Courior

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« Reply #5 on: 22, June, 2007, 10:29:52 PM »
Quote (Weaver @ June 22 2007,21:36)
Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.

Yeh right - since when did Calvin Klein do a three pack for £10!

From BlackBushe sunday market. The stall at the far back next to the road. 3 packs for a tenner or 5 for £15.
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pipe and plastics, dynojet, 116BHP

Offline Weaver

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« Reply #6 on: 22, June, 2007, 10:35:24 PM »
Quote (Courior @ June 22 2007,22:29)
Quote (Weaver @ June 22 2007,21:36)
Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.

Yeh right - since when did Calvin Klein do a three pack for £10!

From BlackBushe sunday market. The stall at the far back next to the road. 3 packs for a tenner or 5 for £15.

Not counting "off the back of the lorry jobbies"!!   '<img'>  '<img'>
 

Offline StrumminRonin

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« Reply #7 on: 23, June, 2007, 11:33:52 AM »
Weaver, your comments really brightened up my day. Thanks!! '<img'>

Offline Weaver

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« Reply #8 on: 23, June, 2007, 12:38:57 PM »
Quote (StrumminRonin @ June 23 2007,11:33)
Weaver, your comments really brightened up my day. Thanks!! '<img'>

 

Glad to be of service!   '<img'>
 

Offline Spill

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15 things to tell your daughters ladies
« Reply #9 on: 23, June, 2007, 04:32:34 PM »
Quote (Weaver @ June 22 2007,22:35)
Quote (Courior @ June 22 2007,22:29)
Quote (Weaver @ June 22 2007,21:36)
Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.

Yeh right - since when did Calvin Klein do a three pack for £10!

From BlackBushe sunday market. The stall at the far back next to the road. 3 packs for a tenner or 5 for £15.

Not counting "off the back of the lorry jobbies"!!   '<img'>  '<img'>

I wouldn't care for underwear already filled with jobbies  ':O'
It's not 'IF', it's 'WHEN?' and 'HOW BAD?'

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Offline Spill

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« Reply #10 on: 23, June, 2007, 04:34:51 PM »
Quote (scorps @ June 22 2007,19:31)
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Unless you are trying to get a left-hand-side wheel off a Ford Transit.
(As I found out after struggling for most of the day  ':blush' )


Whoever thought of using left-hand threads should be shot!
It's not 'IF', it's 'WHEN?' and 'HOW BAD?'

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Offline naughty lee

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« Reply #11 on: 25, June, 2007, 01:43:47 PM »
Quote (Spill @ June 23 2007,16:34)
Quote (scorps @ June 22 2007,19:31)
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Unless you are trying to get a left-hand-side wheel off a Ford Transit.
(As I found out after struggling for most of the day  ':blush' )


Whoever thought of using left-hand threads should be shot!

thatll be where ford have been obliged by law to employ some female design consultants... still, you figured it out and probbably got paid by the hour for doing so   '<img'>
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Offline Spill

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« Reply #12 on: 25, June, 2007, 04:25:53 PM »
Quote (naughty lee @ June 25 2007,13:43)
still, you figured it out and probbably got paid by the hour for doing so   '<img'>

Hardly - it was our camper! '<img'>
It's not 'IF', it's 'WHEN?' and 'HOW BAD?'

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Offline sirella

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« Reply #13 on: 26, June, 2007, 01:19:22 PM »
why does every bloke assume women
a. can't drive
and b. can't do any sort of mechanics correctly?
Love my new bike!

Offline Weaver

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« Reply #14 on: 26, June, 2007, 01:24:43 PM »
Quote (sirella @ June 26 2007,13:19)
why does every bloke assume women
a. can't drive
and b. can't do any sort of mechanics correctly?

They have to make that assumption in order to bolster their flagging egos!   '<img'>  '<img'>
 

Offline Yogibear

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« Reply #15 on: 26, June, 2007, 01:53:44 PM »
As long as its only our egos that flag and nothing else!
The rider formerly known as dancbr600rider.